I’ve always been interested in technology. So, when I heard “thinner,” “10-hour battery life,” “faster,” “FaceTime” and “longer,” I immediately knew that these phallic words were, in fact, referring to the iPad 2.

Yes, you read correctly. iPad … TWO.

It’s got everything that the original iPad has, but better. At least, that’s what everyone is saying. Version two is also a whole year younger than the original iPad, which means Apple Inc. is either extremely quick at improving their inventions, or the better iPad was just released a year later so they could rip off customers.

Whatever it is, the original iPad will soon fall by the wayside and be dumped in a recycle bin (because no one really knows where to put old electronics).

Before doing some research, I came up with a few extremely plausible theories for how electronics are recycled.

I would like to take this time to repeat that these ideas are EXTREMELY plausible.

With that said, let’s direct our attention to Exhibit A: Our recycled electronics are distributed across the United States’ elementary schools, where children take turns playing games with them — the 21st century way.

Dodgeball seemed so tame … until now.

Exhibit B: It gets dumped on a secret planet only the government and NASA know about. When aliens attack, all humankind will get the karma we deserve.

Or, Exhibit C: Your crazy neighbor collects it all and reuses it in an efficient manner.

Of course, I was sorely disappointed and thoroughly depressed when I found out that I was actually correct to assume a huge government conspiracy.

According to NPR, about 80 percent of our old phones, computers, robots, whatever — are legally exported from our recycler to countries like China, Nigeria or Pakistan. There, they chill with the locals, slowly poisoning them through poor methods of disposal such as burning. If it’s not burned, it’s probably sitting in a landfill, releasing toxins into the ground and water for new generations to enjoy.

With new electronics rolling in by the second, it seems impossible to ask consumer hungry Americans to get a couple more months or years off of their current e-toys. However, it might help Mother Nature if we educate ourselves and become aware of programs that properly dispose of electronics.

E-Waste might seem like a serious environmental issue, and it is! But, there’s totally a silver lining here. At least YOU won’t have to experience any of the hazardous side effects due to incorrect disposing. Your children won’t have to either! Why? Because angry aliens will have probably attacked by then.

Check the Different Perspectives blog at DailyIllini.com for more information about responsible recycling.

Esther is a senior in Media.